i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
