I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
