Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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