I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
