dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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