did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
