after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
