i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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