Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
