ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
