i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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