You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
