I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
