just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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