I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
