a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
