apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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