Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
