So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
