Cold hands, warm shart.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
