so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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