just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
