The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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