i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
