oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize