so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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