Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We have so much sex to catch up on
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
