literally had 100 drinks last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry about my life...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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