That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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