Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
