I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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