Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
