I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
