new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
