I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
