So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
