Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
