Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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