Where is the hickey?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
