I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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