remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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