she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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