those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
