just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I supernannyed him into submission
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
