At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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