She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Please don't give away my fajitas
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