I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
