this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
