Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
