I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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