i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
