I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Congratulations! We have a period
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
