I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
