so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
