guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
