i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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