Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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