is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
